


Holy Grail War(framed)

by Ziffy



Category: Fate/Zero, Warframe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 05:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20076907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ziffy/pseuds/Ziffy
Summary: A random crackfic replacing the atrocity that was Gilles and Ryuunosuke with an even bigger atrocity. Caster Mag!





	Holy Grail War(framed)

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea for a while and it made me giggle, so now you all must suffer and read it.

In Fuyuki, every 60 years, seven mages summon servants in order to fight for possession of the holy grail.

At least, that’s what’s supposed to happen.

“Maaan, I just dunno who to choose. I mean, Excalibur has like a sword and stuff, Volt is super fast, and Mag is a chick,” some random dude in his parent’s basement told a computer monitor. “I think I’ll pick… Mag!”

A brilliant light flooded the basement, and faded to reveal the warframe kneeling before the random dude. _Servant, caster at your service. Wait, what the fuck? Ok this is just stupid._ A voice rang in his head.

“Woah, dude. Is that normal? I don’t think this is how the game is supposed to work.”

_Apparently, I got summoned by some stupid magic contraption._

One explanation of how the grail war works later, the random dude leaned back. “So beat some peeps and I get a wish? Cool. Let’s go!”

_What, now?_

“Hell yeah!”

“AHAHAHAHA! YOU DARE TO FACE ME, THE KING OF HEROES?” a gold-armored guy said, standing on a lamppost.

The warframe silently looked at him.

“WHAT? NOT GOING TO HAVE WITTY BANTER WITH ME? BUT I EXIST SOLELY TO GLOAT ABOUT HOW I’M BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE!”

The warframe continued to stare.

“FINE THEN, YOU MONGREL, YOU SHALL PERISH!”

A mass of golden portals opened behind Gilgamesh, and seeing an opportunity, Mag stretched out her hand. A bubble of magnetism surrounded Gilgamesh just as his weapons shot through the portals, and every single one ended up embedded in his chest.

“WHAT? THIS ISN’T HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO WORK! I’M THE KING OF HEROES!” he said, vanishing into dust.

“Wow, that was so cool!” the random dude said.

“A strange challenger has appeared, they defeated Gilgamesh.”

“I’ll have all the assassins gather to kill them.”

A small army of black-clad figures appeared around Mag. They jumped at her, hoping to overwhelm with sheer numbers. Mag reached up one hand, and half of the assassins froze in the air. She reached up the other, and the rest froze as well. Mag then closed her fists, and with a sickening crunch, the assassins were defeated.

“What fun!” Iskandar cried. “I don’t recognize this spirit at all!” He grabbed Waver and they flew off to look for Mag.

“Riiiiiideeeeeerrrrr!” the pitiful cry echoed through the night.

“Ah, there you are, mysterious caster! I challenge you!” Immediately after saying this, he used his phantasm, dragging everyone into his reality marble.

“Ionian Hetairoi! AAAALADALADALADA!!!!”

Mag watched as the army approached, with Iskandar at the head. Once he got close enough, she reached up a hand, and brought her fist down in a sharp motion. A magnetic wave propagated out from her, and when it reached the army, they practically exploded with shrapnel. A lot of it hit Iskandar, who had a magnetic bubble around him to amplify the effect.

The reality marble faded, and Waver fell to his knees, dumbfounded.

Diarmuid watched as the figure approached him. “I suppose I’m not going to get an honorable fight with you, you don’t seem very knightlike.”

Mag shrugged, tossing a bunch of silver spheres. A bunch of random specters appeared, and they swarmed him.

“Lancer, you’re fucking useless!” Kayneth shouted. “Just kill yourself!” And Diarmuid stabbed himself with both spears.

“Curse being a lancer!!” he screamed as he died.

Arturia saw the warframe coming, and was worried. Irisviel gave her a kiss. “Don’t worry, everything’s going to be fine,” she said.

“Yes, I shall fight for the honor of my lady,” Arturia replied.

Mag held up a pair of guns, and in the distance, a voice could be heard. _“DID SOMEONE SAY CONCLAVE?!”_ Mag emptied the clips in Teshin’s direction, and he retreated.

Arturia watched, baffled, as Mag checked the guns, then tossed them aside. Kiritsugu took that moment to fire an origin round at her, with all the confidence that it would work. The bullet _ping_ed off her shields. Mag shrugged. She threw a single sphere this time, and a solitary figure appeared. Arturia held her stance, when she suddenly felt the figure behind her.

“Clem,” he whispered in her ear. He emptied his guns into Arturia’s back. “Grakata.”

Irisviel immediately dissolved into the holy grail.

“Dude, is that the grail?” Mag nodded. “Lit, let’s go get it!”

A bloodcurdling scream sounded from behind them. Berserker started running at Mag, but she grabbed at his armor with her power and sent him flying over her head. He landed quickly, and tried again, and again Mag threw him to the side. She then used her power to slam him in between two shipping crates repeatedly, and then into the ground, until he stopped moving. Kariya Matou exploded into a pile of worms.

“Ok, now I’m going to get the grail.”

While the random dude was talking to the grail, Kiritsugu found Kirei, and they cried over bowls of spicy Mapo Tofu.

“I am the spirit of the grail, tell me your wish and it shall be granted.”

“Hey, aren’t you that chick that just disintegrated into the gold cup?”

“Uh, sure, lets go with that. I just want this farce to end.”

“Alright! I wish that even more cool warframe stuff came to the real world!”

“You know what? Fine. Fuck it. Wish granted.”

Everyone on Earth died due to the infestation.

Type Mercury (probably) shrugged and left, mission “accomplished.”


End file.
